I'm getting married in two weeks. Even as I type that, I don't think it really sinks in. 2 weeks. Dos semanas. Nope, no matter how it goes, it still doesn't seem real.
How am I doing?
Well, today's an emotional day. I'm trying to start to pack up my room. I'm not doing well with it. Little things are getting me. This may be the last time I'll vacuum up under my bed...........but it won't be my bed anymore in 2 weeks. They won't be my sheets, my pillows, my headboard, my dresser. I'm leaving windows and walls that are more than just windows and walls. How many memories will I have to throw away today? My memory seems to be getting worse and worse and sometimes only the physical reminders help me to remember. I know I'll have new memories.
Anyone have a good feet warmer? Cuz my feet are turning into ice. I'm trying to have faith and just continue to move forward.
2 weeks.
Doubts creep in: Do I really have what it takes to be a good wife, and when the time comes, mother? Can I be supportive and unselfish the way I need to be? Will our love continue to grow? Will we grow together, or apart? And a family ward? Really? Teenagers and Primary? What are those?
Arguments to doubts: He's an incredible man. He has a heart that is so rare among men. He loves me so much. He can handle me and my craziness and is willing to take it on. He helps me to realize that I'm ok. He lets me know that he doesn't expect me to be perfect. He's patient and kind. He'll take care of me, but encourage me to fly.
Arguments to arguments: Can I really be for him all that he is for me? What if I push him to far and one day he decides he can't take it anymore? Do I love him enough? Do I have that kind of love inside of me? Will my attention span go out the window? Will I be lonely when he has to work so much? Can I be an inlaw that will fit in and they'll like? Will I have the disapline I need to keep up on chores? I'm told that I don't have to be like my mother, but she's amazing. How am I supposed to live up to that?
2 weeks.
Can I really do this? It's always been something that's ahead of me, so I couldn't mess it up.
2 weeks to eternity.
P.S. How in the world am I supposed to fit into my dress when I'm this stressed???
3 comments:
I'll admit, I am sitting here wondering what to say and I have 100's of conversations coming back to me. The one that keeps popping up: remember the promise? God will not let you get to know an amazing guy and make you settle for less in marriage if you are trying to live the commandments. Well--it came true didn't it? For both of us. Hard to believe, n'est pas? We've had some incredible friends!! So I now offer this wisdom: "You are smarter than you think, braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and even when we are apart, I will always be with you." Christopher Robin.
This whole heartedly describes you my sweet sister. So laugh, love, dance, and enjoy the moments and the memories (but don't live there). Two more quotes: "Where a tender rose, a thistle can not grow" Secret Garden. And the best source President Monson "Your future is as bright as your faith." If you will let him your Savior will make up the differance in all of your own short comings. Remember where you are getting married! There is a reason for that. He will help. I love you! And I can't wait to see you. 2 weeks!!
PS. It's okay to cry as you are packing up. Just know that as you unpack--you'll be laughing.
I love what Cassy said about crying when packing and laughing when unpacking! So true! It's scary - change. I know! I still struggle with it! But in life, I am learning, we will have to stretch and change many times - whenever we move, when children come, when jobs change, wards change, children go to kindergarten, etc. The difference is, you will now have your best friend there to hold you when you cry and to help with the changes. He will always be constant -forever! Isn't that so wonderful in a world of change?! Jeff is the best thing that has happened to me to help me cope with change. Elder Holland's talk, The best is yet to be, is a good one to read. You can do it, hang in there. 2 weeks until an eternity with your best friend! Love you!
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