I am loved!

Today I taught my first lesson as an official Relief Society teacher. This has been a tough thing for me because I don't feel like I'm very good with words sometimes and my head goes blank. My first time teaching as a substitute felt awful. There was a point where my mind when completely empty and no words would come out. I couldn't speak and I was just frozen in fear. It felt like it went on for about 5 minutes until the Relief Society President finally saved me by saying something. Since then, I've had a little anxiety about the ability to. I also don't feel like I've been doing everything in my life the way I should in order to have the Spirit work through me like I need it to when I'm teaching. Well, in preparation for this lesson today, I prayed that despite my shortcomings and even stupidity at times, the Spirit would be in the room and the girls would be able to feel it. I prayed that I wouldn't be a detraction from it. Well, it's amazing how Heavenly Father can answer a simple prayer with such power even when I don't feel I deserve it. I felt His Spirit in that room today so strongly. The girls participated and we had a wonderful discussion about adversity and being of good cheer through it. I wish I could explain or describe what is in my heart and how incredibly grateful I feel for this gift. I needed it so badly. I love that even two hours later, inside of me feels like I am still in that room. I'm so thankful to have the relationship that I do with those girls. I know that if I feel like I am less than capable, they'll still love me and won't judge too harshly. I am so incredibly loved by my Father. I'm thankful that He taught me today. I pray that I'll be able to live up to the responsibility (and blessing) that He's given me. Mmmmm......I just feel SO good right now!! :)

This is from a hike that I took with a couple friends last month. It's Antelope Island again. There's just something about that place that brings a measure of peace to me. There's something about looking out across the water at the city beyond, knowing that there's all sorts of craziness going on there, and being able to separate yourself from that and have some peace and quiet. I need it so much sometimes.

I've set some goals for myself in the last few months and I haven't done well with them. I think that my greatest challenge in life is consistency. The thing is, the only way to get strong on consistency is by being consistent.

That's all for this post. I think I need to get back to my challenges so that I can update this more. I feel like I'm not being very exciting lately, so I'm hesitant to blog. I'm going to try to work on it. Oh! One thing that was a big thing for me was that at the end of the summer, I danced in a luau. I'd been taking hula classes from one of my friends during the summer and we had a recital of sorts at the end. It was so much fun, but did get me out of my comfort zone! Dancing in front of some of those people was very scary. I loved it though. I've missed dancing. I love this form of dance!!!! I hope to be able to learn more dances. 5 just isn't enough. My friend and teacher, Amanda, is at BYU-Hawaii to study and she's learning a lot more. I'm excited for her to come home so that I can learn more.