Reflecting

Every now and then I flip through my scriptures--specifically the ones that I got when I first started college.  The beginning of my real life.

The ones that would carry me though the most important decisions of my life.  The ones that would be my companion as I cried and searched for answers that weren't coming when I wanted.

The ones that would feel like an old friend standing with open arms when it had been far too long since I'd visited.

In these scriptures, I have countless papers to mark important places so that I can remember where an opening of mind and heart had occured.

Today was one of those days that I needed something.  I flipped through and looked at the spots that had papers in them.  Some of the papers themselves I looked at.

Like this one.  

Lately I've started to feel a lot of uneasiness.  I feel this from time to time.  Most of the time it's because I need to straighten something in my life.  When I saw this, it made me think.  How had I been doing?

Admittedly, not as well as I should.  

I don't know if anyone else is feeling like something's coming that we need to be prepared for, not just temporally, but spiritually too.  I am.  I'm not feeling spiritually strong like I feel like I'm going to need to be when whatever it is, hits.

It's strange.  I feel a lot of happiness in life right now.  I have an amazing husband who works hard, supports us, and loves me tons!  I have the flexibility that I've wanted to have and I love that.  I have learned more patience when it comes to others and have also been more patient with myself.  There's an incredible amount of peace that comes with that.  

I'm happy.  But then I read something negative somewhere or hear it on the news and suddenly I feel deep despair in my heart.  I'm feeling negativity affecting me possibly like it never has before.  It's like I have a glimpse at how much hate there is in the world and it's overwhelming.  For some reason, I take it all in. 

That's when I have to drag myself back to perspective.  Remember what I have control over and make that the best I can.  I have to choose to focus on the good things.

And I have to do what I know I should be doing.  That's how I'll have strength.  One of the places in my scriptures that hit me the hardest today was Doctrine and Covenants 19:23. "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me."

I can't count the times that I've read, and marked, and double marked that scripture, but here it was again  giving me counsel and an answer.  I also looked at one of the footnotes: Micah 5:5.  "And this man shall be the peace when the Assyrian shall come into our land: and when he shall tread in our palaces, then shall we raise against him seven shepherds, and eight principal men."  This made me realize that I haven't studied the Bible perhaps like I should, because a lot of it didn't make sense to me.  But what it did say to me in my heart was basically, when evil men come and try to take away everything that I hold dear and sacred, Christ will be the peace and will overtake them.  If I am prepared, I shall not fear.